No greater grief-

By Anna B

IFF, Washington DC

April 1990

Lee stood and stretched glancing at his watch. Damn! He hadn't realized it was this late. As he reached for the phone it rang and he grimaced, it was probably Amanda and he was probably in the doghouse. "Stetson."

"Scarecrow? This is Edwards in I.R., you wanted to be notified if Mac ever popped up on the news?"

"Yes I did, what's up Edwards?"

"It's not good."

Lee tightened his grip on the phone, "Go ahead."

"Mac was seriously injured during a robbery attempt at 1300 hours. He was thrown off a three story parking garage."

"His condition?"

"Critical. He's not expected to survive the night. I'm sorry Scarecrow, I know you two were close during training."

"Damn," Lee closed his eyes, "Thank you Edwards, keep me informed on his progress."

"Will do Scarecrow."

"And Edwards?"

"Yes?"

"Say a prayer."

"I will Lee. Good bye."

Lee replaced the receiver and rubbed his temples, did he tell her? Putting off the decision he picked up the phone and dialed home.

Farnsworth Townhouse, London England

April 1990

"Hello?"

"It's Lee."

Nikki Barrett sat up and flicked on the light, the clock face read 3:13. "Lee is everything all right? My father-"

"It's not your dad Nikki. There's no easy way to tell you this, MacGyver has been seriously injured."

"How serious," Nikki tried to keep her voice even.

"He's critical, I'm sorry Nikki."

"Where is he, what happened," she closed her eyes fighting back tears.

"He is in Intensive Care in LA, he was thrown off a parking garage. Nikki they don't think he'll make it through the night."

"I'll get the next flight out," she threw off the blankets and reached for her robe.

"Already done. It leaves Heathrow in 45 minutes, can you make it?"

"I'll make it."

"I can meet you in LA."

"No, not necessary."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure, and Lee?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Call me."

"I will." Nikki said her good byes and threw a few items in her overnight bag, before quickly changing.

As she gathered her makeup and toiletries a soft knock tapped at the door. Emily Farnsworth poked her head in and asked quietly, "Did I hear the phone?"

"Yes, Emily I have to go to Los Angeles. My flight leaves in less than an hour, can you have Herndon bring the car around?"

"I'll drive you myself. You can explain on the way."

Nikki hugged her friend, "Thank you Emily. I'll be right down."

"I'll make sure he gets plenty of hugs."

"I know," Nikki slowly opened the nursery door as Emily rushed down the hallway to change.

Stepping into the dark room Nikki crossed over to the crib. She brushed a finger over the sleeping baby's cheek. "Mommy won't be gone long darling," she whispered, The tears she'd been holding back since Lee's called threatened to spill over. "See honey, your daddy's been hurt and mommy needs to go see him. She needs to tell him, to tell him-" She buried her face in her hands sobbing. Oh Mac, she thought, please fight. You have to hold on.

.

Intensive Care Unit

Los Angeles, California

"Code Blue ICU three. Respiratory Therapy ICU three"

"That's MacGyver's room." Pete rushed to the room "What's going on?"

"For some reason his heart's gone into ventricular fibrillation. In other words his heart has stopped," Mac's doctor explained to a distraught Pete.

"You told me he was stabilized, what's caused this?"

"I wish I knew. He's dying Mr. Thornton."

"Doctor we need you."

"Dying?"

Flight 374

Somewhere over the Atlantic

Nikki closed her eyes against another onslaught of tears. Every time she tried to sleep all she could see was Mac's face. Quiet, still, lifeless. She fumbled in her purse for a tissue.

"Here child, take this."

Nikki glanced over at her seat mate and with a watery smile took the offered handkerchief. "Thank you."

Elisabeth Owens had been around long enough to know that her companion was suffering deeply. She watched as the young woman dabbed at the tears the trickled down her face. She had first noticed her when she and, her mother perhaps, had arrived at the gate. Her seat mate had been clearly distressed and Elisabeth had not tried to engage her in conversation.

"I'm sorry," Nikki's voice brought Elisabeth out of her reverie. "I'm afraid I'm not a very good traveling companion. "I'm Nikki Barrett."

"Elisabeth Owens and you have no reason to apologize my dear."

"You are the soul of discretion Mrs. Owens," a quick glance at the older woman's hand verified her marital status.

"Please call me Bess dear."

"Nikki. Thank you for the use of your handkerchief. My grandmother would be horrified to know I don't carry one anymore."

"It's an old tradition I know, but I can't bring myself to leave home without one. "

"It certainly is lovely."

"Please keep it, I have others," Bess smiled and whispered, "All of my grandchildren give them to me for every occasion."

Nikki gave her a slight smile, "I always gave my grandfather handkerchiefs when I was child. How many grandchildren do you have." Nikki was grateful for the mundane conversation.

"Seventeen, eight boys, nine girls and two great grandchildren. I had five children of my own."

"My goodness. That is a lot of handkerchiefs"

"Can I get you ladies anything to drink?"

Nikki and Bess looked up as the flight attendant stopped the drink cart.

"I don't suppose you have any herbal tea," Bess asked.

Nikki smiled, Mac swore by herbal teas, she thought, as she remembered the day he had tried to convince her to drink some concoction or another. He'd swore it had, how had he put that, amazing aphrodisiac properties. It had tasted awful of course.

"Would you like some dear?"

Nikki was pulled from her memories by the question, "I'm sorry I was miles away, what?"

"Would you like some tea miss?"

"Sure, can't hurt."

Bess smiled at her, "Probably will help. Why don't you try some chamomile? It's very calming."

I must look a wreck, Nikki thought. Who am I kidding. I am a wreck. She took the cup of tea and took a sip. "Hmm, it's pretty good."

"It will help you relax-"

"And I look like I could use a good rest?"

"I didn't mean that, exactly," Bess looked at the young woman who's eyes were once again filling with unshed tears. "Sometimes it helps to talk about it."

Nikki nodded, "I know. I'm just overwhelmed with memories right now."

"Happy memories of someone you lost. There is no greater grief."

"Not lost, not yet God willing."

"Someone you care about very much?"

"Very much." Nikki set down her teacup and glanced out the window at the night sky, "He loves to star gaze, we used to drive out into the desert and watch the night sky."

Bess glanced at the hands Nikki was twisting in her lap. They were unadorned, "Your husband?"

Nikki shook her head, "No, not my husband. It's very complicated. He's been very badly injured, his condition is critical and I need to get there because I have to tell him, something very important."

Intensive Care Unit

Los Angeles California

"One, two three-"

"Ten cc's epinephrine-"

"What's the BP now?"

"It's dropping, 70 over-"

"Here's the lab results-"

"Some how his potassium level is way up, lets give him glucose and insulin to counteract. Prepare to defib. Charging to 400 joules-"

Pete stood in stunned silence as the doctor and nurses swirled around him trying to save MacGyver's life.

Flight 676

Somewhere over the Midwest

Bess watched over Nikki as she stirred in sleep. The poor child, she thought, she had fallen asleep shortly after take off from New York and in a very few hours they would touch down in Los Angeles and God willing her friend would have made it through the night.

Nikki opened her eyes, taking a moment to get her bearings. She was on her way to Mac, "Mac," she whispered.

Bess watched as she became aware of her surroundings. "Do you need anything?"

Nikki looked over at her, "No thank you. I just need to wake up. Where are we?'

"Somewhere over Missouri I think. We'll be there in no time."

"Thank you Bess for listening to me."

"You'd do the same for me I have no doubt. Would you think less of me if I told you I am very curious about your friend?"

"My friend? Mac, yes he was my friend. First and foremost he was my friend."

"Was? He isn't now?"

Nikki shook her head, regret etched in her face, "No, not now."

"Tell me about it." Bess took her hand in hers, "I think it will help, it can't hurt."

Nikki nodded, "I've never told anyone about Mac and me. Not the whole truth anyway, I don't know why. I've tried to figure it out myself. He was my friend, my best friend and then suddenly he was so much more. We kept it to ourselves, it was private, it was ours and it was precious. I could be myself with Mac, he encouraged me to take chances, to play. He said I made him feel alive," Nikki took a shaky breath, fighting back tears, "and for about a year it was good, it was very good. I never felt more free than when I was with Mac. Work often separated us for weeks at a time, but wow, those reunions-" Nikki sighed and then suddenly blushed, "Oh my, I'm sorry-"

"Don't be, I'm not so old I don't remember what it is like to be madly, passionately in love."

"Madly, passionately in love? I don't know about that, but I'd like to think we loved each other. Once, a long time ago-" Nikki closed her eyes against the bittersweet memories that welled up. He couldn't be dying, Mac had always been so alive, so vital.

Intensive Care Unit

Los Angeles, California

"We've got a rhythm on him-"

"Oh thank God," breathed Pete.

"He's got to keep fighting, he's not on solid ground yet."

"He's back in V-fib-"

"Clear!"

Pete held his breath at the doctor applied the paddles again and again and then a

miracle happened, Mac grasped his hand. "Doctor."

"He's coming out of it. He's stabilizing. Your friend is quite a fighter Mr. Thornton.

He has a normal sinus rhythm," said the doctor with a smile on his face.

"I don't believe it," Pete leaned closer to his friend, "MacGyver can you hear me-"

Flight 676

Near the California/Nevada border

Bess held Nikki in her arms as they young woman cried. She waved the concerned attendant away. "Shh. Shh, everything will be okay."

Nikki looked up tears streaking her face, "It has to. Oh Bess, I've done something so awful to Mac."

"I'm sure you are just exaggerating dear, you are under a great deal of stress."

"But you don't understand, I didn't just leave. I had a friend erase all traces of my flight so he couldn't find me. I never gave him a chance-" she broke down again.

"Is that why you need to see him, to give him that chance?"

Nikki shook her head, tearing spilling over her cheeks, "No Bess. It's worse than that. Before I left, I, I-" Nikki bowed her head too ashamed to look the older woman in the face. "I learned I was pregnant with Mac's child. I went to London anyway, I lied about my child's father to my friends. Our son is seven months old now and I've been too afraid to contact Mac. And then my friend called me and told me, he told me-" She buried her face in her hands, "-dear god, he told me Mac had been hurt and he wasn't expected to live through the night. And I kept his child from him."

Nikki felt Bess' hand under her chin as she gently forced Nikki to look at her, "Nikki. I wouldn't presume to judge you. I don't know all the facts. You seem like an honest and loving young woman. I don't know your Mac, but I'm sure you felt you had your reasons. I feel pretty certain in saying you never intended to hurt anyone. It's not to late to rectify the situation."

Nikki hugged her, "Thank you for believing in me Bess. I wish I could be so positive. I am so afraid that Mac will die before-" the tears started again at the thought of Mac dying. "-before I have a chance to tell him about his son."

"I can only hope and pray that you will have that chance-"

There was a ding and then the pilot's voice, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to make our approach, please place your trays in the upright positions and fasten your seltbelts. Thank you for flying with us."

Outside the hospital

Los Angeles, California

Pete slowed pushed Mac down the ramp and along the pathway of the hospital garden. "So after Hakeem's men confessed, the Egyptian ambassador was more than willing to let the police search the consulent. They found the Sunboat in Hakeem's office safe

He's been declared persona non grata. Which means he'll be deported home to face charges.

"I understand the Epyptian court has a real thing for artifact thieves.

"Yeah, will I for one am just glad the Sunboat is safely in the Cairo Museum so it can't cause anymore trouble." Pete said as he settled on a bench, "You know MacGyver, I'm really sorry you didn't make it back to your grandfather's funeral, I know how much he meant to you."

"It's okay Pete, I think Harry understands," Mac assured him.

"You know for a while there I thought I was going to have to go to your funeral," Pete looked at his friend, "when I think of how close you actually came dying. I don't mind telling you, it still scares me."

"Thanks Pete. But you know something? Death's not so scary. I don't think it's the end of anything, it's more like just another step along the way."

"That's a nice thought."

Mac smiled, "Yeah just something my grandpa taught me."

She stood in the shadows watching the two men sitting in the warm California sun.

She was too far away to hear the words, but from Pete's face their words were serious. Her eyes strayed once more to Mac. He looked well, it was hard to believe that he had almost died.

Nikki had arrived at the hospital in time to learn that not only had Mac survived the night, but he was going to make full recovery. It hadn't been easy for her to avoid Pete, he had stayed at Mac's side day and night. And she had wanted to be there, to assure Pete that everything would be okay. But she hadn't dared, so she'd lurked in the shadows.

Then he'd left for 24 hours, Nikki had wondered briefly where he had gone, but took the opportunity. Late that night she had snuck into Mac's room. He was still being sedated, so she knew that even if he did wake up, he probably would not have a clear memory.

She had sat beside his bed watching him sleep, cursing her cowardice. Reasoning that she would tell him the truth when he was strong enough. Strong enough to absorb the depth of her betrayal. She bowed her head, she was certain he would never forgive her. Slowly she reached out and touched his hand. "Mac," she whispered, "I know you don't know I'm here. I know that. I have to tell you. I need you to know. I still love you. I want you to always remember that. No matter what may transpire between us, I do love you. There is something else I need to tell you-"

"What are you doing here?"

Nikki looked up at the night nurse in shock. She hadn't considered she would be caught.

"Visiting hours are over."

She got up and walked over to the nurse, "I know, I'm sorry. I wanted to see him before I left town," Nikki smiled sadly at the woman, "We broke up you know and I knew he wouldn't want to see me." She blinked back the all to familiar tears, "But I had to make sure he was going to be okay."

The young nurse patted Nikki's hand, "I understand. But you'll have to leave."

"Can I say good bye?" The nurse nodded and Nikki walked over to the bed and leaning down pressed a gentle kiss on his temple. "Good bye Mac, I love you." As she joined the nurse in the hallway she asked, "Do me a favor, don't tell anyone I was here? It will only upset him."

"I won't. Maybe someday you'll get back together."

"I wouldn't count on it," she said as she walked down the hallway.

Pete stood up and grasped the handles of the wheelchair, "Time to get you back. You need your rest." He started pushing the chair back toward the building.

"Pete?"

"Yeah."

"I had the strangest dream the other night."

"Stranger than the one about the boat?"

"That wasn't a dream Pete."

"Okay," Pete nodded, "Tell me about this dream."

Mac looked down at his hands, "It was probably just wishful thinking. I dreamed that Nikki was there one night, and that she told me-"

"Told you what Mac?"

Nikki stepped out of the doorway she had taken refuge in as Mac and Pete passed her. "I told him that I love him Pete, but I can't tell him the truth. I'm so sorry, I just can't." she whispered as she watched them disappear from view. Turning she walked across the courtyard and hailed a cab. Climbing in she took one last look at the hospital. "LAX please."

End