AUTHORS NOTE: It was easier for me to get inside Scully's head, but I wanted to try Mulder's POV. Again-thanks to my beta reader Debra.

DISCLAIMER: All together now! Mulder, Scully and the X Files belong to the good people of 1013 and Chris Carter et al. I'm not making any money with this, just having some fun. Don't sue me, I'm just a poor working girl with a mortgage and a car payment.

***

Contemplation By The Dashboard Light

He remembered thinking he should call her, but he didn't remember getting into the car and driving across town. He must have, since he was now sitting in his car in front of her apartment. His gaze traveled to the window he knew was hers, it was dark. Either she wasn't home or she was asleep. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. It was nearly midnight; she probably was asleep and he knew she needed rest. He sat for a few more minutes, trying to collect his thoughts.

He knew she was angry with him and yes, he conceded he had acted like a jerk, but even knowing that didn't make it any easier to swallow what she had done.

They were his friends; he had introduced them to her. When she'd called and summoned, yes summoned, him to their lair, it had felt like a betrayal. And his defenses had gone up.

The look on Frohike's face as he let him in, the way the guys stood behind her, literally behind her, backing her up, supporting her; damn, it had been like he'd been punched in the gut and had the wind knocked out of him.

Then she'd started talking about Diana and the missing records. God, they'd hacked into the FBI archives, the airline records, the Mufon groups -- for her.

On top of that, he'd seen the look of, what-- Sympathy? No, of understanding, in her eyes. She thought he was pathetic.

So, he asked himself, what do you do? You act like a spoiled little boy, make fun of her and dismiss her evidence as so much bullshit. Smooth move Mulder.

"Don't make this personal."

The minute he'd said it he had known he was out of line. Personal, shit, if anyone had the right to make this personal it was Scully. The pain in her voice as she'd replied still made him wince. She had been hurt and he had been the one hurt her.

What the hell had happened between them? After they had lost the X Files they had become closer, the bond between them stronger. I even thought there was a chance for us. "Damn bee," he muttered.

Later, when it had all been over, when she'd found him in the park and put her hand in his, he had felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. For so long he'd thought he would be incomplete until he found Samantha. But he'd realized then, that Scully was what he needed. More even than he needed Samantha, Fox Mulder needed Scully standing beside him, helping him find the truth, giving him the power to believe again.

He looked up at the darkened window again. You love her, and that, Agent Mulder, is that. You've tried to tell her in so many ways. You've even said it out loud. Of course, she thought you were delusional at the time, but you said it.

After everything he'd, they'd been through tonight, the anger, the fear, the devastation at the base, all he could do was sit here and stare up at her window feeling sorry for himself. Not everything is about you, he thought. How many times had he heard those words, from Scully, from Skinner? Am I that selfish, that arrogant? Am I that pathetic?

More than anything, he needed to be with her tonight. Needed to try to repair the damage, to make her understand. It wasn't about him or about her. It wasn't about Diana, or Cancer Man or Spender. It was about them; because he loved her. He turned the key in the ignition.

He rapped softly on the door, "Scully? It's me."

END

Feedback to: annab@triton.net

Back to Fan Fic Page